Are you happy?

I didn't ask what you had

Caroline Aaron and Matt Doyle in Conversations with Mother. Photo by Carol Rosegg.

I can’t take credit for the headline. Those are playwright Matthew Lombardo’s words, whose latest work, Conversations with Mother, opened last night Off-Broadway. Spoken by matriarch Maria Callavechio (Caroline Aaron) to son Bobby (Matt Doyle) near the end of 100 intermissionless minutes of verbal volleys, the question of happiness feels like trying to wrap a bicycle for Christmas. Impossible.

Yet we indulge ourselves. In this case, it takes the form of a mother-son relationship over nearly 60 years. The family is Catholic, the son gay, but don’t expect coming-out turmoil. Harvey Fierstein covered that in 1982’s Torch Song Trilogy, and Paula Vogel, more recently in Mother Play. Lombardo leaves those histrionics at the stage door, but plenty of conflict still makes it onto the minimalist but effective carpeted stage (scenic design by Wilson Chin).

As the years come and go, themes emerge. A self-destructive streak in Bobby manifests in an abusive relationship and drug addiction. For Maria, an identity crisis after her husband’s death. But the vignettes, riddled with exposition and groan-worthy one-liners, rarely dig deeper than the surface despite emotionally resonant performances from two celebrated actors.

Fans of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel will recognize Aaron as Shirley Maisel from the hit Amazon Prime series, and theatergoers will relish an up-close look at Tony winner Doyle (Company), who may end up back on Broadway in Sinatra The Musical after a London run last year. Despite their best efforts, Lombardo’s saccharine script is enough to make your teeth ache. If you want real drama, call your mother.

Related: Inside Matt Doyle’s Tony-nominated performance in Company

Caroline Aaron and Matt Doyle in Conversations with Mother. Photo by Carol Rosegg.

1MC: I came out in the early 90s via a letter I sent to my brother to be shared with my parents. I received a call the night he read it to them, my mother’s shaky voice saying, “We love you, and we care about you.” Short pause: “RALPH! [my father], tell your son you love him.” And he did.

Conversations with Mother plays Off-Broadway at Theater 555 through May 11.